Juanjo Language School

I took a few brush-up Spanish classes at Juanjo language school in Arequipa. It was pretty informal, run by a married couple: Juan Jose (they call him Pepe, I’m not sure why) and his wife Malena. They are totally bizarre. When I first met Pepe, he wanted to find out my language skills and did so by asking me about myself and telling me some personal stories. One of the things that most stood out was that he used to take and sell steroids. He told me “Es divertido e interesante jugar con el cuerpo.” (It’s interesting and fun to play with your body) When people that you’re paying in a foreign country start telling you these things in a foreign language, you just nod and act polite, ask some questions, and keep the fact that they’re crazy to yourself.

Sometime later he went on to explain that through his “supplement” business he met lots of people. (His uncle or some relative is the mayor of Arequipa, so he’s well connected anyway.) You can imagine the types to come and buy steroids. One was a tattoo artist, who he recommended to me if I wanted a tattoo or piercing, no-thank-you-very-much. Another was actually part of a group of robbers.

These robbers have two modus operandi. First, they operate pirate taxi companies, pick up passengers, take them NOT to their destination, but to a place where other thugs are waiting, hit you until you give them your PIN and debit card and then leave you. Sometimes it ends even less nicely then just being stranded and beat up. He told me about what happened once when one of the thugs by chance attacked a policeman. It ended with the policeman getting a payoff. Not a surprise. “Are there any policemen that don’t take bribes?” “The women cops,” he said. “They’ve got something to prove.”

Pepe then instructed me as how to AVOID these taxis. He said they all used to be red, but now they’re blue, because people were catching on. Jesus Cristo! He showed me how to choose a taxi “con confianza,” with confidence. There are three criteria: the taxi has to have a certain license plate with the same numbers written on all the doors, a particular style of sign on top, and a special certificate inside. I’m not sure someone couldn’t reproduce these, so I went with the three main companies.

The second thing thugs do is rob houses and sell the stolen goods at a flea market on Saturdays. (A friend had her things stolen on a bus, Pepe said, “Too bad they weren’t stolen in Arequipa, we could have gone to buy them back!) Pepe said he is protected from these house-robbers because of his connections from the supplement business.

Needless to say, classes with Pepe were not only on grammar, but on learning the ways of the underworld in Peru. I could go on at length with other stories he delighted me with about narcotraficantes, but I think you get the picture.